Acronyms for the Newly Divorced

It’s been a long arduous road, friends, and it aint over yet.  For those of you who severed a marriage and never have to look back – or look at – the insignificant other whose nose you wanted to shove a wine cork into on many a sleepless night – and for the rest of us recently released inmates forced to keep the lines open, this one’s for you….  totally inappropriate, humorous, and as frigidly satisfying as a Peppermint Patty … new acronyms for the newly divorced, for use when text communication is the only civil means to the end.

KMA – Kiss My Ass

GFY – Go F*@% Yourself

ESAD – Eat Shit and Die

GTFO – Get the F*@% out (I think this one already exists, but is appropriate)

GGALGOM – Go Get A Life, Get Outa Mine

UCHI – You Can’t Have It

UPOS – You Piece of Shit

STMYBS – Stop Texting Me Your Bullshit

DCMCML – Don’t Call Me, Call My Lawyer

IOYAA – I’m Okay, You’re An Asshole

INYB – I’m Not Your Bitch

NM$ - Need More Money

OADTTYL – On A Date, Talk To You Later

ISSSYU – I Speak Slow So You Understand

YNGIS – Your New Girlfriend Is a Skank

MHM$MK – My House, My $, My Kids

SCNYA – Sheriff Called, Needs Your Address

DPMH! – Divorce Party, My House!

And, if you are fortunate to enjoy the use of a cell phone that allows for smiley icons, then by all means do not forget to add an eye-rolling, dancing, or kissing smiley to all your correspondence for that extra punch. After all, a kiss is worth a thousand words.

By the way, I would like to – as Todd suggested – change my name to “Francis Union,” so that I can from now on sign my correspondence with my initials.  What do you think?

**Disclaimer: This blog post is in no way intended to insult any member (former or otherwise) of my family.  No cell phones, people, or animals – confined to metal cage or not – were harmed in the writing of this post.