Revelations and What I Learned This Week

Revelations and What I Learned This Week

• The thought of people looking at me with lust and desire makes me extremely uncomfortable.  Well, ok, except for my husband – I mean, he’s supposed to look at me respectfully like a three-decker peanutbutter-frosted chocolate cake with lust love in his eyes.  But ordinary people I encounter out in the public world?  It’s one thing to suspect it, but a whole other thing when they are blatantly obvious about it – and when it’s not just a man, but a man and his wife.  It’s been four days and I’m still feeling a little queasy. 

• Gallbladders can determine the attendance or continuance of a court-ordered hearing.  And, apparently, the ability to pay off long-standing debts and the purchase of miscellaneous school-fundraising items.   

• The school bus drivers are not employees of our school district.  Never knew this – just read it in my son’s middle school handbook.  Not sure whether to be concerned about this or not.  The worry wart in me would be wanting to know who hires them, who they answer to and whether this is the same bus company that hired some guy who went bonkers and abducted a bus full of Christian-school kids from our high school campus and made a straight line for Washington DC about 11 or so years ago.

• All in one day, two different people I know – who don’t know each other – reported a dog emergency whereby immediate medical care was necessary to preserve the life of the animal, or at the very least, the sanity of his owner.  One dog secretly ate half a bag of dog food, which made his stomach three times its normal size, and displayed the alarming symptoms of bloat.  An x-ray revealed he had eaten a very large amount of something, and, after some investigating the discovery of his transgression was made.  Another friend’s dog inhaled a corn cob and had to be rushed off for stomach pumping.  I would like to note the odd coincidence that both of these dogs have “human” names, so therefore I have to wonder if there’s a connection between this and their obscene gluttony.  Carl and Derek are – thankfully – recovering at home and will live long enough to do it again, if experience has taught me anything. 

• The road I am currently living on is a very busy roadway.  I am grateful to have a nice home to live in, but a little less grateful about residing on the Los Angeles freeway.  I have thus far managed to tolerate the 15 minute wait to exit my driveway and the live version of Frogger with myself as the star – dashing for my mail between tractor trailers and pickup trucks.  This game has changed, however, with the advent of a new school year and my kids now riding the bus.  I am so afraid of something happening while they’re out there waiting for the bus I insist on embarrassing my newly minted middle schooler by standing out there with him. I lost sleep the night before the first day worrying about it – what if the opposing traffic doesn’t stop when bus lights are flashing?  (And believe me – I’ve seen this happen several times at our old house on a far less busy street.)  Thus, I am searching the internet for suggestions on what I – the single peon on a state road in a township with no police department and a limited resource of state troopers – can do to put an end to the madness.  In England a whole neighborhood decorated their street to look more like a backyard soiree, with oversized planters containing trees placed right on the road, to slow traffic down.  Here at home, apparently we Americans prefer radar speed signs (very expensive), drilling holes in the road (sounds illegal to me – call me crazy), putting tacks on the road (definitely illegal), and screaming at the offenders (which, by the way, makes you look like a complete ass since they can't hear you anyway).  Our fantasies of throwing soccer balls into the roadway or letting an empty baby stroller drift out there were quickly extinguished by the possibility of causing the very thing we are trying to avoid – a multi-car pileup in front of our house.  That and a very long prison sentence with a very large, very lonely cellmate named “Butch.”  Hence, I imagine I will write the proper citizen’s letter to the authorities who will explain the lack of police enforcement and the high cost of the aforementioned radar sign.  They might as well just say, “We’re sorry, there have only been two motorcycle accidents in a week on your roadway, and no children have died yet.  We must have at least 10 fatalities on this stretch of road before any further action can be taken.”  Well, since only one person has given their life here – that leaves 9 more.  Any takers?   Puts a whole new perspective on things, doesn’t it?  Maybe THAT’s what I should put on the sign by the road.

• And on that note, I am a terrible passenger.  You may recall that my husband was also my high school boyfriend – so that means I learned to ride with him when we were still new drivers.  Well, being a teenager with my, my-boyfriend’s-a-bad-boy-cigarette-smoking-artist-in-his-cool-motorcycle-jacket-and-earring attitude lent me a certain invincibility during hairpin turns on backroads in a VW Beetle at whiplash speeds.  Today, however, I am not only 25 years older but have also acquired a bit of nervous anxiety (that could be helped with a healthy dose of valium) without my hands on the wheel.  He is a better driver – though on our first ride out in the ‘stang last Fall he was all Mario Andretti on this really curvy back road near my dad’s house and I was all, do you see that 90-degree turn up there?   That left me feeling a little faint and beseeching God not to let this gift He sent back to me kill me before we could truly find happiness again.  Nevertheless, we drove out last weekend to visit some friends and out here in the Northeast they were calling for a vicious storm and don’t we just decide to leave just 3 minutes before the hurricane blew in.  I noticed on this drive that not only were my palms sweaty and my heart palpitating with each bucket of water to hit the windshield, but that my wonderful and talented husband seems to drive faster in a torrential rainstorm.  On pleasant, sunny convertible-perfect days – he drives at a meandering pace like a Sunday driver, and has a frequent tendency to drift right as he looks at his listener during long meaningful conversations.  He’s a wonderful driver!  I just prefer to see less of the white lines on the road from my particular vantage point. 

• Crystal Bowersox, a runner-up on American Idol and also a Type 1 diabetic, doesn't offer her performances for nothing.  Well, at least, she requires a very large monetary compensation to perform at a T1  fundraising event - the news of which I found so appalling I had to post it here.  I don't care what it costs for her to put on a show - the very fact that she too suffers from this debilitating, life-threatening disease should motivate her to allot at least ONE appearance at any Type 1 diabetes event a year without charging the non-profit organizations $100k*.  Yes, she did appear at a non-profit's event this year - but she did not do it for free.  Not saying she should do every single T1 fundraiser in the country - that's unrealistic - but, to ask for money - at least an astronomical amount of money- in exchange for performing is just downright wrong.  We want our research money to go toward the cure, not padding her wallet.  (*I don't know the exact $ amount she commands, but it's a lot.)

More interesting tidbits…

The gallbladder is a small organ that plays a role in digestion.  If the flow of bile from the gallbladder is blocked, this is called cholecystitis, a painful inflammation which may also include infection.   Gallstones can cause acute cholecystitis, for which the only escape is gallbladder removal.  SO… if your right abdomen is hurting for more than 6 hours (with/without right shoulder pain) after eating and you are nauseous, vomiting, febrile and have painful breathing… go straight to the doctor or hospital – do not pass GO or stop at the local courthouse.

Bloat is a life-threatening condition that occurs suddenly and can affect dogs of any age (more likely in middle-aged and older dogs).  Large breed dogs with deep chests are predisposed to bloat. According to WebMd (pets) symptoms or signs include: restlessness, pacing, salivation, retching and unproductive attempts to vomit, and an enlarged abdomen.  Your dog needs immediate veterinary attention!!

A “Caution – Children at Play” driveway safety sign retails for about $15.  I have an artist/signmaker friend I think I will ask to make me something larger and more reflective.  Perhaps incorporating my earlier question of who wants to donate their bodies to the science of traffic control?? 

Bret Michaels won the 3^rd season of Celebrity Apprentice, earning $640,000 for the American Diabetes Association.

Adultfriendfinder online has over 40 million members.  But apparently, for some, you don’t have to look past your very own neighborhood for swingers.