I’m about to
reenter the magical, mystical world of cheerleading again. I’m just a tiny bit apprehensive. I was a cheerleader in high school, but that
was in the stone ages before there were competitions, and flyers, and those
f*$%&g bows. Ava had cheered in second grade, part of a
youth athletic league in our old school district. This was an “all-kids-who-want-to-can” league,
and so that year there were about 30 girls on the squad. I repeat, thirty
girls. First and second-graders.
Watching them cheer sometimes was painful, if only because choreographing
thirty little girls with varying degrees of coordination and talent has got to
be challenging, my daughter included.
God bless my little angel – she is smart, funny, strong, athletic, a bit
awkward, and extremely accident prone.
Nevertheless, I
coughed up the $100-plus to participate, and attended the “fitting” night where
all the squads in the league squeezed
into a room smaller than my bedroom to try on and purchase shoes, socks,
bloomers, and bodysuit for an additional $60, and pick the uniform that best
fit them. This was before I found out
that cheerleaders all wear bows now.
One of the moms/coaches was going to make them, and the cost for each would be
$6. Personally, I don’t get the bow
thing. I think they look ridiculous, but
since I’m not the Goddess of Cheer, I’ve kept my mouth shut. However, I did
complain loudly to Todd that the materials to make said bows did NOT cost $180
(30 girls times $6 – do the math people!).
I’d bet the farm on that one.
And then there
was the minor stuff, like the guy who ran the league and his email updates that
were riddled with colossal spelling and grammar mistakes. I’m really not a snob about that stuff,
really I’m not – but I do think when you’re, like, the president of an organization…. it matters whether you can use
the appropriate from of there/their/they’re in a league-wide email. There were
parents who apparently got involved in a “situation” on the field with the
parents of the other team, and there were emails about that in case anyone
missed it (I did, being too busy snapping 200 photos of my angel cheering her little
heart out).
And then there
was The Competition. All the squads in
our league went up against all the squads in the other leagues on a loud and raucous
Saturday morning in a hot gymnasium, an event surpassed in grandeur only by the
Ringing Bros. Circus. Ava’s squad was
pumped for this fun-filled display of cheerleading prowess – and, as I watched the
other squads perform, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach grew
stronger. And then I got pissed. Pissed, because I knew they didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning
trophies, and no one talked with them about just enjoying the experience. I
saw the disappointment on their faces, and I
saw them crying as they left the gymnasium empty-handed. Way too much drama for me.
So, when Ava
came home from school one day and said there were cheerleading tryouts TODAY
and can I go, please…please can I go?? my first instinct was, oh hell no. Not because I didn’t
want to be a part of this again, or because I thought she wouldn’t make the
squad, but because she’s been saying she wants to play sports and she hasn’t
cheered in over 2 years and we just found out about this today. Secretly, I couldn’t
help but remember the cringe-worthy competition either. I expressed my concerns about all this and
she said, well, it doesn’t matter if I
make it. It’ll be fun and at least I
tried, right? (Shining example of
child teaching parent.) And so we
went. Three nights of practice and then
tryouts, and she came out with the pink slip that says you’re in!
And so here we
are. Last night was the MANDATORY parents’
meeting, where the code of conduct was laid out, along with practice and game
information, obligations and expenses, camp information and payments for it
along with purchase of The Bow.
I learned the
coaches names for each squad, and that most are certified in CPR, concussion,
First Aid, and one is an EMT. I guess
this is a good thing, since safety is their “number one priority,” although –as
the program advisor stated – “sometimes kids do get dropped.” (Let’s hope my kid isn’t one of them.) There
are a number of strict rules about behavior, conduct, uniform, and attendance –
all punishable by warnings, and (after 3) eventual dismissal. They are only allowed to have water or clear
beverages in their uniforms (no food) and any infringement will result in laps
around the field. This should present an
interesting situation should Ava have a low during cheer. I hope I have time to wrap her in a tarp
before I give her juice. I have to keep
the uniform clean by hand-washing and line-drying it. I’ve always wanted a washline outside – I’ll
just have to remember to take it down before Todd mows. Heh heh.
I wrote a check
yesterday for $35 for mandatory camp in July (which just happens to end the day
the kids and I leave for Cape May with my mom) – four days of practice which
includes 2 camp “outfits” for two of the days.
Apparently the hair bow is really
special here – the girls’ names are on them – and I guess nothing is sacred
from inflation, so they cost $16 each (and cash only).
Registration for cheer is $105 plus a $30 fundraising fee and a $30
concession stand deposit (yes – a deposit)
– because parents can’t be trusted to honor their commitment without leaving
one (refunded after you serve your time).
Then, we are
required to purchase the shoes ($17.95), the Dream Duffle ($12.95), socks
($2.95), crop top ($12.75), and briefs ($4.75).
The grand total for this new adventure of ours? $270.
Excluding the cost of the jacket she also has to have which wasn’t
listed and so I have no idea what that will cost yet. And a black bra – I’m
assuming this is really for the girls who actually need one? And, since she has a pump, I will either buy or sew it
myself – a pump band for under her uniform. (It’s this really cool band that
goes around the midriff and holds the pump close to the body so it doesn’t
bounce around.) Not to mention time
commitments like mandatory practice FIVE days a week beginning the only week we
(as a family) can take a vacation, until school starts and then becomes any
number of days to be determined by the individual coaches. And two fundraisers over the summer – the Color
Run and Applebee’s and there’s some raffle selling going on too. Look out neighbors – we’re coming for
ya! And 10 games. (And no mention of the “C” word – ssshh!)
I can’t wait to
get this party started.
But first – 4th
grade field trip tomorrow.
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