In the spirit of posting cryptic and often troubling (not to mention annoying) Facebook statuses:
Please pray for my dog.
Really. She started making that weird gagging noise and so I shuffled her outside before she yakked up a wad of grass in the kitchen. This picture shows just how ill she is, and how traumatized by this cycle of gastrointestinal violence. And prayers are needed, because – after all – it’s not every day a dog eats grass in the springtime and barfs up a surprise greener than Kermit.
Aren’t you annoyed now? There’s absolutely nothing wrong with my dog. But in case I didn’t quite getcha, here’s a few more one-liner posts…
Well, just when I think things couldn’t get any worse.
One day everyone will know what a jerk you are (you know who you are)
(check in at XYZ Hospital or Emergency Department)
My life is changing forever.
(any negative commentary that leaves the possibilities endless)
Something big is coming my way!
Or (the infamous – and quite simple - old standby)
Because how else will we get everyone’s attention? WHAT’S WRONG?? PMs by the dozen. Hmmm…
I try not to post cryptic stuff, though I did it a couple of years ago and realized my mistake when people started calling me and one friend offered to beat someone up. However, I am anxiously awaiting permission to release hurricane Tara. Is this a joke? No. And I promise everyone will know WTH I’m about once I get clearance. Sorry. It’s tough to keep this lip zipped when its pissed. National headlines, baby. Justice will be served. Just don’t ask me anything yet – I’m on a gag order.
In other news…
The sun is shining!
Everybody’s working on their yards, the grass is green green green, it looks like there’s another foreclosure in my neighborhood (though the 6 inch grass just got mowed last weekend), the rocks have stopped flying downtown, I taught my dog to smile (video forthcoming), and our tenants are moving out (!!!).
The cardiologist says I don’t have any high-risk issues. Unless I pass out, my symptoms become more frequent and/or bothersome, or I develop chest pain. I kind of knew all this, but Todd insisted I finish what I started on that day I should’ve just stayed home and drank the green beer.
My daughter made the cheerleading squad for next year and my son shot a 3-pointer in basketball so epic that even he was stunned.
Todd is feverishly finishing the rec room: home theatre, new ceiling, more fresh paint to come, and (hopefully) start the plans for the bar. Because --- we’re havin a party!! Hoping to be ready in time for that anniversary party I promised in 2012.